From Mt. Crumpit to Mt. Trump-it
The lore of the Grinch is familiar to all —
How he plotted, and schemed, and cared not at all
For us down in Whoville, who minded our business,
He robbed us all bare and tried to steal Christmas
We Whos, undeterred by an old grinchly dastard,
Rose up and sang, “To hell with this bastard!”
’Twas the Who revolution, so joyful and strong,
That proved to the Grinch that he’d been wrong all along
While the Grinch’s heart may have grown three sizes that day,
A more sinister plot was unfolding on a peak faraway
The greed and the evil that took place on Mt. Crumpit
Paled in compare with the vice on Mt. Trump-it
Mount Trump-it was the sovereign of an orange, ugly troll
Who had small grubby hands and a deplorable soul
His visage was frightening, his personality worse,
He cared only for power and fattening his purse
Through bullying, deceit, and a pack full of lies,
The Troll tried to fool us so that we would surmise
That the source of our poverty, our strife, our condition
Could be solved by division and rights abolition
The Troll befriended Nazis, crooks, thieves, and despots
Though Muslims, queers, and women enjoyed little respite
From his onslaught of policies, and orders, and smite
His goal was to make the world straight, Christian, and white
He promised that he’d build “a great beautiful wall”
To make up for his deficits that made him feel small
“Chaotic! Shambolic! Psychotic!” we cried
“This orange awful oaf is too much to abide!”
His response to COVID made us question his sanity
Though his lies were promoted by Tucker and Hannity
“What’s wrong with Republicans?! Are they so dumb
That they would prescribe putting lamps up our bums?”
With red hats! Repub-rats! Four dreadful years!
While we down in Whoville shed many a tear
“We met the Grinch once before, and we reformed him at last.
What do we do now with THIS noxious ass?!”
Finally, in the quadrennial that ended in twenty,
We showed up at the polls with vigor a-plenty
In states blue and purple, the voters coalesced
To put a stop to the madness and clean up the mess
After the votes were tallied and the voices were heard,
We kicked The Troll out and flipped him the bird
The margins were thin — so close that they scared us
Behold, the new leaders! Biden and Harris!
The Troll was defeated, so he fumed and he hissed
Quite sure that his votes the poll workers had missed
He called into question the fairness of elections
And set into motion his plans for insurrection
“I’ll take the Oval Office, by hook or by crook!
After all, the Constitution is just some old tattered book!”
He amassed all his lawyers, and the lawsuits ensued,
But the courts all rebuked him and deemed his logic no good
Undaunted, The Troll gathered his minions around
And implored them to storm the Capitol grounds
The Proud Boys, the cowboys, and brownshirts they came
Brandishing weapons and calling for Nancy by name
“We will beat you and hang you if you don’t change the vote!”
The Troll’s deputy, Pence, barely got out with his coat
Shattered windows, spray paint, and broken-down doors
Were the damages inflicted by The Troll’s militant corps
In addition, six died, and hundreds of others assaulted
During the ransack! Attack! that The Troll glibly exalted
In normal times, this would be an impeachable offense
But the Repub-rats caved in and gave a feeble defense
In Whoville, we tried hard to keep the future in mind
To imagine tomorrow and leave The Troll far behind
“Grinches and trolls — they won’t vanquish our spirit
But fascism is real and we have reason to fear it.”
With the Congress divided and the electorate fractured,
The right wing soldiered on with “facts” manufactured
About rigged elections and raybeams from Jews,
Drag queens, the climate, and genders we choose!
“Don’t say gay! Just obey! And ban all the books!
We don’t care at all how crazy it looks.
If you don’t agree with the program, you’re destined to hell.
By the way, here are some leather-bound Bibles we sell!”
The Troll seemed in trouble and was hauled into court
Because of finances, elections, and abusing women for sport
Despite the convictions — at last count, thirty four —
The Troll remained free and waltzed out the door
Seems so unlikely that a beast like The Troll
Would be a worthy candidate for any office at all
But still here he is — a scourge, a vexation,
The undignified tyrant of a polarized nation
Biden got old, and in his senescence,
Yielded power to Harris, who assumed with great presence
The mantle of hope and the spunk of a brat,
Refusing to be devoured like a dog or a cat
Let’s vote for Harris, against Cruz, against Lake,
And let us remember what liberties we take
For granted, as given — “just a natural thing”
No, we need to be vigilant to let freedom ring
We here in Whoville have witnessed a lot
We are grateful and humble for all that we’ve got
We still kibbutz together and lift our voices in song
About where we belong and what could go wrong
The grinches and trolls we solemnly remember
As we hope that you will on the 5th of November
Dictators and kings are neither champions nor friends
With a single vote, the justice arc bends
A coda from Cindy Lou Who, who has matured since age two,
Her sweet voice of innocence always shines through:
“You’re taking our democracy, please tell me why.
If you pat my head again, I’ll make sure that you…”
[inaudible sound]
**Somebody from my hometown of Afterlick, Iowa shared this with me. I don’t take responsibility for the content. I just thought it was clever.